I’m very close to moving in, tomorrow in fact, but my fiance decided to do something horrible behind my back. Not sure if I’m going to stay with him since he’s hurt me too many times before this. I’m sad because everything was perfect. Not sure what to do right now.
I’ve moved out to the city with some friends until me and my now fiance can move out in the summer. Everything has been pretty alright considering. I’m still going to school, but I’m not sure if I’m going to continue. It’s been getting super warm and I’m very excited for the summer because I’ll be able to enjoy it for the first time in my 19 years of living. I’m happy and that’s all that matters.
Okay but seriously if you are attending college while experiencing any sort of mental illness then you are an impressive human being. Even if you don’t always make it to classes. Even if you don’t always do your homework or pass all your tests. You are doing something that is incredibly difficult when so many of the odds are against you, and regardless of what you are studying you deserve a Ph.D. in being a total and complete badass.
“It is terrifying to think that one day you will trust somebody enough to let them see you naked. You will undress and remind them that you’ve stretch marks and birth marks and scars from having chicken pox when you were little and scars from all of the other things now. You will blush thousands of shades of red, painting yourself as a rose losing its petals. And that person - that person will take it all in. And I wonder if they will reassure you. But mostly, I wonder if they will even see anything worth reassuring you about. I hope they see each freckle on your back as if it’s a star and you are the whole universe to them.”—K.P.K (via ytoob)
Hello, I am in Columbia for 2 weeks (I’m going into my second week) and then to New York for 3 days. I am very happy, the only exception of the guy I’m in love with that is just acting so different lately. A lot of stuff happened with us and I thought we were getting better (I think he thinks the same), but I don’t know. I’m trying to stay strong for us. Not sure if he’s doing the same. I’m so good to him and he just… Anyway. I’m almost over my depression. Something snapped in me and I just started crying one day. It was so nice because they were tears of joy after I talked to my best friend’s mom. I can finally eat without really giving it a thought. I am worth something. I can do anything. I love myself. I am proud of myself.
There’s nothing like listening to Bon Iver for the first time in a while on a nice, cool night. I am genuinely happy right now at almost 12 am.
“There will be days when you want to just throw in the towel and give up. There will be days of stiff necks and no sleep and sore muscles. People will be cruel. Food will go bad. You will feel like the world is out to get you. Everything will start to frustrate you, the news will make you sad. Winter will creep up on you and you will find yourself alone and burrowing yourself in your schoolwork to try to keep the loneliness at bay.
But then spring arrives. Something big blooms in your chest. Sparrows sing to you and the air suddenly is clearer. You fall in love. You will grow a garden. Good things will start to come to you, beautiful people will find you. Remember those good things when the days get cold and the nights get long. Remember that you deserve to feel good. That you deserve to have good people and good food and a safe place to come home to. Remember that bad moods pass and that all bad days end. And that no matter where you are or how lonely you get, somebody out there is looking for you and is waiting for you to find them and give them your love.”—excerpt from “letter to my future daughter” by esperanza friel (via star—seed)